My reality of having a c-section

Disclaimer.. this is not how every single person would have experienced a cesarean but this is my experience. If you haven’t read my previous posts then you wont know that, i had an emergency c section 1 year ago (the most traumatic time of my life).

  1. Number 1, they do not warn you about the after pain! It is extreme 😦
  2. I didn’t know what to expect at all, it was most definitely was not what you would expect.
  3. The pain is so real I couldn’t breathe, sneeze, cough, laugh and move for weeks. I struggled so bad, I just used to lay and cry to myself.. feel sorry for myself.
  4. Not only could I not do anything for myself I struggled like fuck to care and bond with my baby.. this was probably the hardest few weeks of my entire life.. nobody should have to go through what i went through.
  5. Let me just warn you ladies they make you take your own PLASTER OFF.. I’m just going to let that sink in. I had my c section not even 24 hours before and they said i must take the plaster (that was covering my lovely new scar) off. I was not only terrified i was mortified that the nurses expected me too, did it make me unable to go home if i couldn’t take this plaster off? I was a pussy for sure but i grew some balls, went and did it anyway as i was dying to take my baby home!
  6. They sent me home with a bag full of injections to take for 6 WEEKS.. I had to inject myself once everyday at the same time. Luckily i had Chris there to do it for me, AMEN to that.
  7. They definitely don’t tell you that its very likely you will get an infection, for me anyway i was bound to because i had/have a saggy tummy.. so it rubbed and got sore. My infection didn’t clear up until the third lot of antibiotics, that was such a pain as it prolonged the healing process for me.
  8. I had now also been on several tablets since i left hospital for the pain and the antibiotics, i felt like a frigging drug addict after a while. I was so dosed up it wasn’t healthy!
  9. After about 2 weeks Chris went back to work and i started to feel a little more human. I finally started to see a bond grow between me and my daughter, it was amazing it was all worth it. All the pain, stress and sleepless nights it was starting to become real and i felt that i was always supposed to be a mum.
  10. Finally thank god to Chris for being my absolute rock throughout this process, you cannot prepare someone for what they are about to go through but Chris definitely eased the process

Until next time lovelies.xo

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Mum guilt 🤦🏻‍♀️

It maybe sound so silly but ‘mum guilt’ is a bloody real thing, I’ve never felt so silly for feeling guilty over the smallest things in life.

Yesterday I had it so bad, I put Lili to bed at 6.45pm as I had zero patience with my whiny child. Baring in mind she had been moaning since 6am that morning.. it was constant. Anyway I’d put her to bed and she was asleep within seconds, I laid on my bed reflecting on the day we’ve had together.. this most awful sick feeling came over me of pure guilt. I swear before I was a mum I was tougher, now I cry at any sad film.

Back to the day we had shared, all I can remember is moaning 24/7 the guilt came hard and fast, then I remember shouting at her for painting the wall pink at 7am, I was so angry and sat her on the ‘naughty step’ (the bottom stair), next thing I remember was her giving me a straight upper cut into my nose with her foot her bloody foot whilst I attempted to change her bum so she was clean! Next thing I was making her breakfast at around 8.30am, took me a while made her favourite blueberry pancakes.. guess where that ended straight on the efffing floor. Fast forward to lunch same thing happened made her favourite, cheese sandwiches guess where they ended 🤷🏻‍♀️.

So by the time it got to around 1pm I was ready for bed or a definite nap, after rushing around all morning dealing with all these tantrums and cleaning up all her mess and the house. I thought ooooo I’ll treat myself to a 5 minute rest, even put that bloody pig on tele to keep her occupied, 2 seconds later the tele is off she found the bloody remote 😶 and I’m being trampled all over, my hair being pulled and her elbow digging into my leg. Like just kill me now…

Next thing I know it’s bloody 5.30pm, shit Chris is home in half an hour.. run around tidying up, yessssss mum win 5.45pm and the living room is perfect lovely and tidy for Chris to come home. Go cook tea sort that out, Chris walks into the living room at 5.59pm the whole toy box is upside down. Lili has pulled every bloody toy she owns out on the floor 😥 baring in mind the whole time I was cooking all I could feel was pulling at my leg and a little voice shouting “up, up mummy, up please mummy, up, up up up”. Sooooo how did this little spawn of Satan make all that mess whilst harassing me too 🤷🏻‍♀️ little bloody genius, I swear she didn’t leave my side the whole time I cooked 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Anyway I reflect on every tantrum and incident I wish I wasn’t a stressy mum, i try so hard to be that calm mum but it’s soooooo bloody hard. After every time I shout or raise my voice a little it’s for a reason I have to remind myself at that time it’s learning and it’s good I can put my foot down and not give into every tantrum and just sometimes she’s got to moan it out. I always give her around 3-5 minutes to calm down, I go over to her ask her what she’s done wrong she will always tell me bless her and say “I’m sorry mummy” and strokes my arm 💔

Then I remember why I do it all, why I am a little strict sometimes. I get big rewards from teaching her right from wrong, 90% of time she’s an angel and oh my goodness she’s so clever ❤️.

I’m sure tomorrow and the next day will be as tough, but I have to keep reminding myself why I’m doing this. Being a mum is tough and super challenging but it’s the most rewarding job you can ever have 😍.

Thank you for reading I’m sorry it dragged a little but hopefully it will make all you mums feel a little ‘normal

Oh here she is whilst I was doing tea 👹

Xo xo 💋

17 month update

So Lili is now 17 nearly 18 months old, I can’t even remember where this last year and a half has gone. The second your child is born your life just flies before your eyes, we try and appreciate every little second.

Let me get to the good stuff, things Lili can do and say at 17 months old..

  • She can say probably 100 words or more, they include – mummy, daddy, Bear, Ozzie, Maisie, Charlie, nanny, granddad, grampy, tele, juice, pumpkin, kitchen, choccie (chocolate), highchair, cat, dog, elephant, cow and so many more they are just a few popular ones right now.
  • She recognizes that all animals have different noises and makes all of them when we point them out in her books, she makes all of the simple noises and tries the harder ones.
  • She loves the television she most enjoys Bing, the Furchester hotel, Peppa pig, Melody and Teletubbies.
  • She can point out all the parts on her body, eyes, nose, mouth, ears, teeth, tummy, hair, fingers, hands, toes, feet, legs and arms.
  • She most loves playing with all her animal figures at the moment and saying all there names.
  • She loves playing with our cats Bear and Ozzie.
  • Lili has just started standing up in the middle of the room by herself, so very close to walking now yay!
  • She took 5 steps between me and the tv yesterday, she also keeps taking a few steps between me and chris. I don’t think it will be much longer now!
  • Lili loves playing at the park on the swings.
  • Lili loves when sunday comes around because we get the whole day with daddy!

So there is most the bits i can remember right now but she is so cleaver and we are so proud of her!

Until next time.. xo

Life just flies

Sometimes you just need to write and be free with words, today i feel the need. I haven’t wrote in such a long time and i miss it, i miss it so much but just don’t ever have the time anymore. Well tonight i am giving a half an hour to a quick jot, a little update on my life and how things are going for me nowadays.

Being a mother is…… unimaginable! There is not just one word that sums parenthood up, there is so many. It is the greatest challenge you will ever face but yet the most magical miracle you could have ever wished for and oh how I love it so very much.

Right now in life i am trying to sit back and appreciate every single little moment with my daughter and partner because life just goes WAY to fast. It feels as if you close your eyes for just a second you might miss something important because life just flashes by in an instant without you realizing.

Appreciate, love and care for the ones around you, as they may not be here tomorrow.

 

Bethany xo

A note to my teenage self

I was a regular stroppy teenager and I just wanted to find out who I was. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my life since becoming a teenager, my parents divorcing, moving from mums to dads and back to mums again. I struggled very much so to just deal with life, at the time I felt like I was the only person in the whole world who felt like this. All the arguments and hurt made me depressed, it was such a hard time.

I fell in love at 13, lots of heart break before but never fell in true love until Chris. It definitely helped me through all the hard times having him, not one day went by that I didn’t spend just 10 minutes with.

So this is a message that I wish that I could have read 6 years ago, here goes to being honest.

  1. Listen, be calm, don’t stress, relax.
  2. Get up and get on.
  3. Enjoy life a little more, enjoy having someone who loves you more and more each day.
  4. Don’t expect to much of people because they will normally and most often let you down.
  5. Life isn’t what you expected but that’s okay because you can make it your own.
  6. Periods aren’t the end of the world babe.
  7. Sex does get better.
  8. Appreciate your family and friends.
  9. One day you’ll wake up and be so happy you just need to scream.
  10. Peer pressure helps define yourself.
  11. Don’t be afraid, live everyday like its your last.
  12. Life is just to short.
  13. In years to come you’ll have a gorgeous family with Chris and who you will cherish every single day.
  14. Just be happy and be you.

 

beth

1st birthday 🎉 

This is an opportunity to write this, to remember everything special about these few days. 

Today is Sunday the 7th of may, 2 days until your birthday. We threw you a lovely little tea party get together, you had all your family there. You seemed to really enjoy yourself, party food and presents. Me and daddy really enjoyed ourselves too! 

Tomorrow the 8th of may, will be the first time you meet my aunty audrey and olive. Nanny Lynda’s sisters, I’m so excited and nervous, I hope you love them as much as I do! We are then going to go shopping for some more presents for your birthday, I am so excited and want to buy you the world. In the late afternoon we might take a walk at stanwick lakes with aunty charlie and daddy. 

Last but not least, may the 9th.. your birthday! 🎉🎉🎉 we are going to be getting up super early and travelling to hamerton zoo. We will have update pictures then! Enjoy your few days baby. We love you ❤️ x

“Expectancy”

My not so little Lili, in just over a week it will be your 1st birthday! 🎉

It’s amazing really this time has flown by, I never expected it to go half as fast as it has. 

We went to a baby group last Tuesday and did lots of messy play.. it was so much fun! 

All until I felt like I was explaining myself to everyone.. “she’s not crawling yet”, “she’s not interested in walking and nearly one”, “oh she’s nearly one, shouldn’t she be crawling yet” people looked in shock horror. I’ve gotten used to the idea that Lili is a little slower than other babies but that’s fine. We should not compare our babies! Don’t ever do it. Your baby might be the complete opposite to another baby or exactly the same. 

It all of a sudden got me down so much, I have never compared Lili or atleast tried not to. It’s like my Nan on my mums side always says “she’s fine, it’s normal” <I know Nan.. it’s like she thinks that I think Lilis abnormal and I’m not happy enough.. I’m quite happy thank you. It just seems that every little inch of my life revolves around whether Lili can move or not and that shouldn’t be the case. 

She is perfect and I don’t care if she is a little slower then that’s fine but all you want in life is to see your babies succeed through life and get over every hurdle. 

I love you Lili my bright little baby, our little Einstein brain wise ❤️ 

Xo xo

Lili Ella 🌷

To my darling daughter, on the 22nd of April 2017 you are nearly a year old. I am writing to you, to let you know about your life right now.. in this moment of time. 

It’s currently 10pm, your curled up in a tiny ball with your favourite blanket in lala land. Peaceful and innocent. I am laid on the sofa writing this to you…

You are the light in our lives, our angel although You can be a diva at the best of times and our little monkey. You are beyond clever and we love seeing you succeed! Crawling still isn’t quite on the cards just yet but your getting there baby, you reach for your favourite toy go onto your knee then fall straight onto your front. You are the cutest when you try so hard! Me and daddy love watching you, everyday you show a new talent or a new trick. 

You love copying daddy and me, you think we do lots of funny things too. You have just started saying “hiya” which said by you is “yiya” but we adore your little language, it’s the best. You make me and daddy smile everyday. You can say lots of words like “daddy”, “babbba”, “mumumumum”, “dooooor” and “caaat”. Your such a bright little girl and very noisy too, the family say you take after me because neither of us are ever quiet. You always have a word or noise to say or do, just like mummy hehe. 

Just a little note to you, for when your older one day to look back.. maybe with your children. I love you Lili Ella, night night ❤️Xx

My precious baby

Hello beauties.. I haven’t posted in a good few months so here goes.

Tonight something hit me so hard, something I’ve never had to experience but really got to me. 

Coronation street, Michelle and Steve suffering a heartbreaking time giving birth to a stillborn baby. I can’t even start to imagine the pain and heartbreak this must cause, having Lili inside me felt safe and reasurring but really it’s the most risky time as it’s such an unpredictable time. Count the kicks is an amazing charity working with pregnant ladies, to try give you some stability & I always used it with Lili. Lili always had her own routine and I knew the time of day roughly when she would start jabbing my ribs and then settle. 

I just want to put some awareness to you lovely ladies out there getting pregnant, pregnant or thinking about having a baby. The way I saw it tonight though there is no explanation.. unexpected and very scary, there’s not one single way to prepare yourself for a stillbirth/misscarriage. 

Every lady who has experienced misscarraige/stillbirth at any stage of pregnancy are the bravest & strongest women, to keep going and see a future must be so hard but it’s the only way forward💔.

Anyway I just wanted to raise a little awareness to you beautiful ladies and families who’ve had to experience this, thank you for being brave. 

Ps I definitely will be squeezing my little chubba in the morning❤️..

Until next time xo

Pregnancy

Awareness

Pain

Stillbirth

Misscarriage 

Loss 

Love 

Baby 

Mummy

Being a new mum

Tips to myself..

  • DONT listen to anyone’s bullshit advice.. 
  • Take your time to recover postpartum! DO NOT RUSH.
  • Be your own kind of mum, not a fake materialistic mum. 
  • It’s normal to feel down after you’ve had the baby, not weird. 
  • Let people take the baby for a walk so you can have 5 minutes to have a cuppa and put them feet up.
  • Love your postpartum body.. you made a baby! Your bloody superwoman girl.
  • Try not to cry when the baby cries 😭
  • Be alone if you feel like it, don’t have visitors if you don’t feel like it.
  • No one needs to meet your baby but you and the baby daddy! No one else is as important.. spend time as a family. 
  • Don’t get to mad with Chris when he doesn’t change Lili’s nappy right.
  • Don’t worry that you didn’t change the baby quick enough because we can’t be superwoman 24/7.
  • Take 5 minutes to do your wash your hair, to do your makeup, to have a nap..
  • The baby won’t sleep through for a while (unless your really lucky), there isn’t anything wrong with your baby.. it’s normal.
  • Just be you

There’s plenty more but this is just a quick little post.. 

until nexttime lovely xo