My reality of having a c-section

Disclaimer.. this is not how every single person would have experienced a cesarean but this is my experience. If you haven’t read my previous posts then you wont know that, i had an emergency c section 1 year ago (the most traumatic time of my life).

  1. Number 1, they do not warn you about the after pain! It is extreme 😦
  2. I didn’t know what to expect at all, it was most definitely was not what you would expect.
  3. The pain is so real I couldn’t breathe, sneeze, cough, laugh and move for weeks. I struggled so bad, I just used to lay and cry to myself.. feel sorry for myself.
  4. Not only could I not do anything for myself I struggled like fuck to care and bond with my baby.. this was probably the hardest few weeks of my entire life.. nobody should have to go through what i went through.
  5. Let me just warn you ladies they make you take your own PLASTER OFF.. I’m just going to let that sink in. I had my c section not even 24 hours before and they said i must take the plaster (that was covering my lovely new scar) off. I was not only terrified i was mortified that the nurses expected me too, did it make me unable to go home if i couldn’t take this plaster off? I was a pussy for sure but i grew some balls, went and did it anyway as i was dying to take my baby home!
  6. They sent me home with a bag full of injections to take for 6 WEEKS.. I had to inject myself once everyday at the same time. Luckily i had Chris there to do it for me, AMEN to that.
  7. They definitely don’t tell you that its very likely you will get an infection, for me anyway i was bound to because i had/have a saggy tummy.. so it rubbed and got sore. My infection didn’t clear up until the third lot of antibiotics, that was such a pain as it prolonged the healing process for me.
  8. I had now also been on several tablets since i left hospital for the pain and the antibiotics, i felt like a frigging drug addict after a while. I was so dosed up it wasn’t healthy!
  9. After about 2 weeks Chris went back to work and i started to feel a little more human. I finally started to see a bond grow between me and my daughter, it was amazing it was all worth it. All the pain, stress and sleepless nights it was starting to become real and i felt that i was always supposed to be a mum.
  10. Finally thank god to Chris for being my absolute rock throughout this process, you cannot prepare someone for what they are about to go through but Chris definitely eased the process

Until next time lovelies.xo

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Life just flies

Sometimes you just need to write and be free with words, today i feel the need. I haven’t wrote in such a long time and i miss it, i miss it so much but just don’t ever have the time anymore. Well tonight i am giving a half an hour to a quick jot, a little update on my life and how things are going for me nowadays.

Being a mother is…… unimaginable! There is not just one word that sums parenthood up, there is so many. It is the greatest challenge you will ever face but yet the most magical miracle you could have ever wished for and oh how I love it so very much.

Right now in life i am trying to sit back and appreciate every single little moment with my daughter and partner because life just goes WAY to fast. It feels as if you close your eyes for just a second you might miss something important because life just flashes by in an instant without you realizing.

Appreciate, love and care for the ones around you, as they may not be here tomorrow.

 

Bethany xo

A note to my teenage self

I was a regular stroppy teenager and I just wanted to find out who I was. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my life since becoming a teenager, my parents divorcing, moving from mums to dads and back to mums again. I struggled very much so to just deal with life, at the time I felt like I was the only person in the whole world who felt like this. All the arguments and hurt made me depressed, it was such a hard time.

I fell in love at 13, lots of heart break before but never fell in true love until Chris. It definitely helped me through all the hard times having him, not one day went by that I didn’t spend just 10 minutes with.

So this is a message that I wish that I could have read 6 years ago, here goes to being honest.

  1. Listen, be calm, don’t stress, relax.
  2. Get up and get on.
  3. Enjoy life a little more, enjoy having someone who loves you more and more each day.
  4. Don’t expect to much of people because they will normally and most often let you down.
  5. Life isn’t what you expected but that’s okay because you can make it your own.
  6. Periods aren’t the end of the world babe.
  7. Sex does get better.
  8. Appreciate your family and friends.
  9. One day you’ll wake up and be so happy you just need to scream.
  10. Peer pressure helps define yourself.
  11. Don’t be afraid, live everyday like its your last.
  12. Life is just to short.
  13. In years to come you’ll have a gorgeous family with Chris and who you will cherish every single day.
  14. Just be happy and be you.

 

beth

1st birthday 🎉 

This is an opportunity to write this, to remember everything special about these few days. 

Today is Sunday the 7th of may, 2 days until your birthday. We threw you a lovely little tea party get together, you had all your family there. You seemed to really enjoy yourself, party food and presents. Me and daddy really enjoyed ourselves too! 

Tomorrow the 8th of may, will be the first time you meet my aunty audrey and olive. Nanny Lynda’s sisters, I’m so excited and nervous, I hope you love them as much as I do! We are then going to go shopping for some more presents for your birthday, I am so excited and want to buy you the world. In the late afternoon we might take a walk at stanwick lakes with aunty charlie and daddy. 

Last but not least, may the 9th.. your birthday! 🎉🎉🎉 we are going to be getting up super early and travelling to hamerton zoo. We will have update pictures then! Enjoy your few days baby. We love you ❤️ x

“Expectancy”

My not so little Lili, in just over a week it will be your 1st birthday! 🎉

It’s amazing really this time has flown by, I never expected it to go half as fast as it has. 

We went to a baby group last Tuesday and did lots of messy play.. it was so much fun! 

All until I felt like I was explaining myself to everyone.. “she’s not crawling yet”, “she’s not interested in walking and nearly one”, “oh she’s nearly one, shouldn’t she be crawling yet” people looked in shock horror. I’ve gotten used to the idea that Lili is a little slower than other babies but that’s fine. We should not compare our babies! Don’t ever do it. Your baby might be the complete opposite to another baby or exactly the same. 

It all of a sudden got me down so much, I have never compared Lili or atleast tried not to. It’s like my Nan on my mums side always says “she’s fine, it’s normal” <I know Nan.. it’s like she thinks that I think Lilis abnormal and I’m not happy enough.. I’m quite happy thank you. It just seems that every little inch of my life revolves around whether Lili can move or not and that shouldn’t be the case. 

She is perfect and I don’t care if she is a little slower then that’s fine but all you want in life is to see your babies succeed through life and get over every hurdle. 

I love you Lili my bright little baby, our little Einstein brain wise ❤️ 

Xo xo

Lili Ella 🌷

To my darling daughter, on the 22nd of April 2017 you are nearly a year old. I am writing to you, to let you know about your life right now.. in this moment of time. 

It’s currently 10pm, your curled up in a tiny ball with your favourite blanket in lala land. Peaceful and innocent. I am laid on the sofa writing this to you…

You are the light in our lives, our angel although You can be a diva at the best of times and our little monkey. You are beyond clever and we love seeing you succeed! Crawling still isn’t quite on the cards just yet but your getting there baby, you reach for your favourite toy go onto your knee then fall straight onto your front. You are the cutest when you try so hard! Me and daddy love watching you, everyday you show a new talent or a new trick. 

You love copying daddy and me, you think we do lots of funny things too. You have just started saying “hiya” which said by you is “yiya” but we adore your little language, it’s the best. You make me and daddy smile everyday. You can say lots of words like “daddy”, “babbba”, “mumumumum”, “dooooor” and “caaat”. Your such a bright little girl and very noisy too, the family say you take after me because neither of us are ever quiet. You always have a word or noise to say or do, just like mummy hehe. 

Just a little note to you, for when your older one day to look back.. maybe with your children. I love you Lili Ella, night night ❤️Xx

My precious baby

Hello beauties.. I haven’t posted in a good few months so here goes.

Tonight something hit me so hard, something I’ve never had to experience but really got to me. 

Coronation street, Michelle and Steve suffering a heartbreaking time giving birth to a stillborn baby. I can’t even start to imagine the pain and heartbreak this must cause, having Lili inside me felt safe and reasurring but really it’s the most risky time as it’s such an unpredictable time. Count the kicks is an amazing charity working with pregnant ladies, to try give you some stability & I always used it with Lili. Lili always had her own routine and I knew the time of day roughly when she would start jabbing my ribs and then settle. 

I just want to put some awareness to you lovely ladies out there getting pregnant, pregnant or thinking about having a baby. The way I saw it tonight though there is no explanation.. unexpected and very scary, there’s not one single way to prepare yourself for a stillbirth/misscarriage. 

Every lady who has experienced misscarraige/stillbirth at any stage of pregnancy are the bravest & strongest women, to keep going and see a future must be so hard but it’s the only way forward💔.

Anyway I just wanted to raise a little awareness to you beautiful ladies and families who’ve had to experience this, thank you for being brave. 

Ps I definitely will be squeezing my little chubba in the morning❤️..

Until next time xo

Pregnancy

Awareness

Pain

Stillbirth

Misscarriage 

Loss 

Love 

Baby 

Mummy

Being a new mum

Tips to myself..

  • DONT listen to anyone’s bullshit advice.. 
  • Take your time to recover postpartum! DO NOT RUSH.
  • Be your own kind of mum, not a fake materialistic mum. 
  • It’s normal to feel down after you’ve had the baby, not weird. 
  • Let people take the baby for a walk so you can have 5 minutes to have a cuppa and put them feet up.
  • Love your postpartum body.. you made a baby! Your bloody superwoman girl.
  • Try not to cry when the baby cries 😭
  • Be alone if you feel like it, don’t have visitors if you don’t feel like it.
  • No one needs to meet your baby but you and the baby daddy! No one else is as important.. spend time as a family. 
  • Don’t get to mad with Chris when he doesn’t change Lili’s nappy right.
  • Don’t worry that you didn’t change the baby quick enough because we can’t be superwoman 24/7.
  • Take 5 minutes to do your wash your hair, to do your makeup, to have a nap..
  • The baby won’t sleep through for a while (unless your really lucky), there isn’t anything wrong with your baby.. it’s normal.
  • Just be you

There’s plenty more but this is just a quick little post.. 

until nexttime lovely xo

As time moves on

Lili is now 5 nearly 6 months old, I don’t know where them few months have gone although it feels like I’ve known her forever. 

She is the light in my life, my happiness, sadness and enjoyment.

I just wanted to write a really positive post on the things Lili can do at such a young age, I feel so proud of her. 

Lili can do many things.. she was weaned at 4 months old onto just fruit and veg, she was ready as she has a reflux which brung her milk up everytime she drank a bottle so food was our solution to keep it down. She is a foodie like me, loves anything I give her and her gag reflex is so much better now than when we started out. 

Lili can say “dada” and on a whim “muma” if I’m lucky, she started saying “dada” about 2 weeks ago, we were laying in bed one night at 2am and she didn’t want to settle and all of a sudden came out with “DADA” me and Chris were in complete shock! 

Lili can now reach out to grab anything (including my face and hair😒), she reaches up in the air and down low. She has learnt to throw toys off her hichair luckily not food yet! She’s learnt how to twist the chameleon on the jumperoo in the past 2 days, I’m so proud. 

Lili can blow bubbles☺️

Lili has found her voice and screams, moans and groans when she wants something. We call her “diva”.

Lili sleeps the whole night through for the past week or so, from 8pm- 7am < so impressed as I never thought it would happen! So relieved and proud. 

Lili can sit up by herself nearly completely unaided! If I lay her on her front she has some kind of intention to roll but very close to none.. she instantly wants to crawl her legs move in madness and she will be off before we know it. The roll is something that may take time or just not happen, I keep trying to encourage it so hopefully next time ill be able to say ‘Lili has rolled’ 💁🏻.

Lili loves the bath since we’ve brought her a bath seat, it’s one of the best items we have brought and now she truly enjoys bath time with her bath animals and ducks. 

^my little cutie in the bath seat for the first time (a little unsure here), also a bargain item from groupon £13. 

Lili can now hold her bottle, she held it a few days ago for the whole 6oz in her bottle! 🍼

So that is all for now, I hope you enjoyed as I really enjoyed writing it! Something a little more upbeat and jolly..

Until nexttime.. xo

Postnatal depression – my story

I’ve been struggling to come to realising that I do have a problem bigger than I ever expected.. 

I’ve always been the type of person to admit to how I’m feeling, I’m such an open book. I do struggle, if people don’t ask or sometimes it’s just to hard to explain how I really feel! 

I’ve always suffered from anxiety and depression since I was around 13 years old.. my life has been very up and down. I’m now 5 months pp after having Lili and finally coming to realise I have postnatal depression, this is a really difficult thing for me to admit to myself. I would happily admit to others but convincing myself is the hardest thing..

Where it all began (postnatal depression)-

I’ve always heard of people talking about it and I’m very knowing that it’s such a common thing nowadays, when I first met Lili she was a half an hour to an hour old roughly. I woke up in a surgery room without my baby, no baby in my tummy anymore I felt empty all of a sudden and I didn’t know where I was. I had strangers all around me, a nurse asking if it’s ok to feed Lili a bottle (when really I wanted to try breastfeeding) Lili was getting hungry and didn’t meet me for much time after so I was made to feel there was no other option. So I didn’t get that skin to skin contact I needed with my baby girl, I was then wheeled to another room where I would meet my daughter. I’d already heard everything about her and I still hadn’t met her, she sounded perfect. 

I finally got to the other room and my mum and my sister ran in (I needed them) I felt more at peace now I’d seen them but knowing everyone had already seen my baby and held her before I did was an awful feeling. I was relieved Lili got taken straight to her daddy and nanny but I wanted to be the first to feel her touch not them😢.

I heard word that Chris was bringing her through any minute, I think he was only 2 minutes but it felt like forever. I heard him speak and he walked in with this beautiful baby.. I didn’t believe she was mine! How could she be mine? How would I know for definite she was mine? I didn’t see her come out of me.. 

But she was mine and I had to convince myself she was, so I lay there all night staring and staring into her face. Hoping and praying she knew me but she must have known me? After all she was in my tummy for 9 months. I began to feel the bond grow but no I didn’t have that instant bond with my baby. 

Everyday was difficult I began to resent her for waking so much in the night, screaming constantly, never seeming happy with me and worst of all being passed around like a fucking parcel. I couldn’t cope, I was loosing the will to live. Every night I lay thinking.. is this it? Is this my life from now on? Living for this child who honestly felt like I’d been forced to care for? 

Eventually she started sleeping a little longer and not crying so much, she was now 5 weeks old and she smiled at me.. this is when it hit me, she is my baby and my world. I finally had that rush of love, that instant bond it was there! 

This was the starting story to all the pain and joy^ no one warns you of the emotion you feel after having a baby. All I can say is try and enjoy, do not pressure yourself or make plans but go with the flow.

I was “fine” for months in between well atleast I thought I was, 5 months later it’s hit me.. I don’t want to leave the house sometimes and I can feel very alone there is much more for another time. This is just my experience and the way things have worked out for me but I hope you understand me a little more.. 

until nexttime xo

#Postnatal depression

#Birth

#Labour

#Love

#Child 

#Baby 

#Newborn